WTF Technology?
December 11th, 2007
Back to the Future. Future. Yeah…c’mon McFly, with your awesome shoes, and your angry Jaws 14 movie poster that scared you, where you at? Where? There are all these technology dreams that were implanted in us by sci-fi movies and books and television shows, and yet all of them have amounted to nothing but pipe dreams. These are some of the biggest technology let-downs of my lifetime, because damnit, they probably let you down too.
Hoverboards
Seriously, why? Why hasn’t this come around? I’m not talking about these crazy contraptions that use some kind of hovercraft technology and promise to woosh me around at an exciting three feet per minute. I want some repulsor anti-gravity shenanigans. I want to go zooming along beside cars and such. I want to wear an awesome helmet while I do so also, something aerodynamic. Speaking of which…
Jet Packs
In what could be the bigger disappointment then the hoverboard, the Jet Pack (or Rocket Belt, for those of you who are cool-name challenged. Rocket Belt? ORLY? Rocket is cool, but Belts just hold up pants. Jets break the m-f’ing sound barrier, and Packs hold your shit, so what do you choose?) is still not out. Not really. Don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining with that $150,000 thing that holds you up for 30 seconds before sending you plummeting to your death. Oh, and by the way…NO FLAMES! Not even a spark. So close and yet so freakin far…
Flying Cars
Don’t start talking to me about mid-air collisions and aerospace traffic jams and all that crap. I need to be zooming around in a flying car and damn the risks. I should be bopping along three hundred feet off the ground and doing barrel rolls. Thats right, I said it.
BARREL ROLL!
Teleportation
I wouldn’t need a flying car, or a jet pack, or a hoverboard if we had teleporters. Disassemble me and send me flitting around through the air and reassemble me at my destination, be it work, in-law’s, or the flying car dealership. C’mon quantum physics. You’ve been around for at least 50 years now, right? Get this happening. I got places to be.
Sex Robots
Well, all kinds of robots really (that vacuum thing doesn’t count), but sex robots especially. In fact, if you can make sex robots and have them harness our bodily fluids and then turn that into energy to power the sex robots, then…like how freakin awesome would that be? Seriously? That is magic in a can right there. Plus, they’d do all that crazy stuff your wife won’t let you do to her. And they would simulate arousal. Just like the wife.
Holograms
Where are my gigantic billboards that show me awesome special effects and pretend to eat the other pedestrians for my entertainment while bombarding me with flashing lights and subliminal messages? I thought everything was going to be 3-D by now, and I still see dumpy looking billboards for Uncle Joes Fish Harem and the like whenever I’m driving on the freeway. Didn’t Sega make a hologram video game back in the 90’s that was impossible to accomplish anything on but that looked so cool you played it once an hour or so just to watch it? We are so lagging on this one.
Lets go science-boys. Get to work!!!
8 Responses to “WTF Technology?”
1pissed off
April 9th, 2008 @ 10:25 pm
Cant we freeze dry idiots like you for later reconstitution? Do we have that at the least? I mean seriously, sex robots? Is that the extent of your intellect? This is why people don’t make cool stuff. Humans are too close to chimps for those privileges. Also you wouldn’t even know how to use such devices.
2Robert
April 9th, 2008 @ 10:49 pm
You must be a Republican. Humans don’t make cool stuff because I’m talking about sex robots…huh. Sorry humanity, I let you down bigtime…
3Jeff
April 10th, 2008 @ 9:39 pm
I think the sex robot is funny.
4Paul
April 21st, 2008 @ 5:15 am
Sounds like pissed off doesn’t have a sense of humour. I hate people with no sense of humour that take life so seriously. The are obviously still stuck back in the stone ages.
5gaby de wilde
May 4th, 2008 @ 3:33 am
The robot doesn’t look sexy at all?
you try it?
6Memphis
May 7th, 2008 @ 4:04 pm
Serio bro, where are the laser guns we were promised?
7ehi!
June 10th, 2008 @ 6:11 pm
why don’t we make jet packs that can at least hold us up there for at least 10 damn minutes!! or even 5 minutes would make me happy!! but 30 seconds!!! that’s so damn gay!!!!
8Dinoraptor101
July 2nd, 2008 @ 5:51 am
Look I already built myself a hover craft with anti-gravity. and that Teleporting actually will kill you… I tried that on mice… it failed
Since I save your bioogical data inside a Massive storage computer, then distroy your original shell, but when later I reassamble you from organic based, natural elements you dont come BACK to life.. the idea is I can move dead objects but not living.. neither memory fragments remain… or any mental data as talents or personality are no longer detecable in brain cells analysis.
About Anti-Gravity… its really THAT simple… dont try to deny earth’s gravity, instead learn to reflect it! this idea came long to me and the best reflection is…! Central circling theory… where if you have a ball circling like an electron. all the objects will be drown to IT. but all the objects inside will be drown out! Thus I came with the Idea If building a machine that concentrates magnetic fields on a few spots bellow ground level. and later just make the spots go in arranged circles! and VIOLA! the machine actually lifts you! since the balls dont really exist the dont face any of object-based rules and panetrate the surface, but there is one problem.. you use that over something that cant hold heat. BOOM! you see Magnetic balls really rise heat. that what really helps the lift.. heated air will lift the skate board while its riding.. thus later I designed a full Air Based Hover Craft…
any further questions about future? ask me I came from there… but something smarter than a silly time machine… I tell you from now travelling to past is never gonna be possible :-P but to future! that’s most easy… easier than defying gravity. or reaching the speed of light and other non sense! -)
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